Horrible Hormones
by Teliko. x3
Summary: Catherine's pregnant and takes it out on Gil. [[Boredum FanFic. AN: Funny, too. Or at least I think.]]


**Horrible Hormones**

**Rating: It's safe.**

**Disclaimer: Boo. I own nothing. Ya nastayy.**

**Summary: Catherine's pregnant and takes it out on Gil.**

**A/N: AH. Funny FanFic. I love it when I write 'teh' funny ones. (:**

* * *

"I'm pregnant." Gil dropped his cup of coffee and stared at the woman in front of him.

"What?"

"I'm pregnant."

"Can you repeat that?" She frowned and placed her hands on her hips.

"Well way to be excited about it, Gil!"

"I am, I am... but you're... pregnant?"

"_No_. I'm saying I'm pregnant for my own health. What do you think? Yes! I'm pregnant!"

"Wow." He put a hand to his head and slowly took a seat at the table in the middle of the break room.

"Gil?" She eyed him cautiously and took a seat across from him.

"Wow." He looked up at her to find her with her head in her hands. Her body shook and he instantly felt back. He grabbed her hand and pressed a kiss to it. "I'm going to be a dad. That's amazing, Catherine." She stared at him before she wiped the tears that managed to escape her eyes.

"Really?"

"Really. I was just... shocked. I'm going to be a father. How many times do guys like me get to say that?" She sniffed and got up from the table. He gave her a big hug and rocked her back and forth. "You sure it's mine?" She lightly punched his shoulder and laughed.

"I'm positive."

-----

A week later, she still couldn't believe she was going to have a baby. She sat in the break room with a whole tray of cupcakes sitting in front of her; her paperwork long forgotten. Gil pushed through the doors and stopped at the sight. Catherine and... cupcakes. He smirked and threw his case folder in front of her, causing her to jump.

"Well good afternoon."

"Hmmm." She licked her fingers for any frosting that managed to escape her and threw the wrapper away in the trashcan that was placed next to her chair.

"Aren't those for Lindsey?" After swallowing almost a whole cupcake, she shook her head.

"I bought some for her... and I bought some for me." He reached forward to take one, but he stopped when he saw the glare she was giving him. He innocently smiled at her and touched one of her cupcakes. "Gil?"

"Yes, honey?"

"Get your hand off of my cupcake."

"Why?"

"Because it doesn't like you and I had my eye on that sucker ever since I bought them."

"Well why is it still here and not in your mouth?"

"ROAR!" She lunged forward and snatched the cupcake away from him. He pulled back in pain and stared at his arm in disbelief.

"You hurt me!"

"I did not!"

"You sliced me!"

"I didn't!"

"Over a cupcake!"

"You're such a drama king, Gil."

"Go make out with your cupcake, I don't want to talk to you." She stood there and pondered for a second. She shrugged her shoulders, picked up the box of cupcakes, and quickly stumbled down the hall to her office. He shook his head and laughed.

-----

Hours later, he walked into her office to find her fast asleep on her desk. A puddle of drool was starting to form on some of the paperwork. She let out a soft moan and started shaking. He bit his lip when she started talking in her sleep.

"No... NO! Don't hurt me! I didn't... I didn't... Oh look, Gil. A penguin!" He chuckled and light shook her shoulder. She bolted up in her chair and screamed, "TOASTER OF DOOM!"

"Cath? Wake up. It's time to go home..."

"Wha- Gil? What time is it?"

"It's almost two. Why don't you go home and get some rest?"

"I can't. I've got to finish this paperwork." He looked around her office and giggled. Cupcake wrappers here, a half eaten Snickers bar there, Dr. Pepper and Coke cans on her shelves, and Olivia Newton-John CDs scattered on the floor.

"I'll finish the paperwork. Go home and get some sleep."

"No, Gil! I can finish my own paperwork!" He held up his hands in defeat and took a step back.

"Sorry. I just thought-"

"You thought I wouldn't be able to finish it!"

"No. I didn't say that."

"But you were thinking it! You think I can't do my job right!" He stared at her with amazement. 'Must be the mood swings,' he thought.

"Catherine, sweetheart-"

"Don't 'sweetheart' me, you cockwobble!" His eyes watered with tears as he held back his laughter.

"Cock...wobble?"

"UGH! I hate you! First you try to take my cupcake, and now you're saying I'm a bad CSI!"

"I did not! Catherine, that's it. We're going home."

"Oh no we're not." He softly grabbed her by the arm, pulled her into the hall, and locked her office.

"Oh yes we are."

-----

He unlocked the door and watched as she ran in and threw herself onto the couch. She buried her head in a pillow and sobbed.

"God, I'm such a failure!" He kneeled down on the floor and smoothed back her hair.

"You're not. I just wanted you to get some rest. And you're not a bad CSI."

"Really?"

"Really. Now... do you want to help me make dinner?"

"Yeah." He pulled her up from the couch and placed his hand on her lower back. They walked into the kitchen and found something to cook. Lindsey was spending the night at one of her friends house, and she still had no idea she was going to be a big sister.

Gil ran over the directions to the dinner they were making and panicked when he realized he'd need Catherine to chop vegetables. He eyed the knife on the counter and thought of Catherine and their little 'cupcake' incident.

"Gil? What are we going to cook?"

"Well ugh... why don't you start boiling some water and I'll chop these vegetables up?"

"Okay..." She reached underneath the cabinets for a pot and filled it with water. She placed it on the stove and smiled with satisfaction. She leaned next to him on the counter and watched as he cut up the peppers and onions. They were starting to make his eyes water, but he showed no sign of stopping. "Gil? Why don't you let me finish that? You're eyes are watering..." He cursed himself for letting her see that and sighed. 'If I don't let her help me, she'll get pissed. If I do, we might both die...'

"I ugh... I think I have it, Cath. But-"

"You sure?" Her eyes softened and she frowned. He sighed and slowly handed the knife to her. She jumped up and smiled at him.

"Thank you, Gil. Now you go-"

"Ah! Cath, hold it the right way, baby. I don't want you to get hurt." She stared at him and gripped the knife harder. She forcefully cut through the onion on the cutting board and yelled.

"You treat me like a child! I'm not stupid!"

"I didn't say you were, honey..."

"You called me a baby!"

"But I always call you baby!"

"I'm not a baby!" She slammed the knife onto the cutting board, making onions and peppers fly everywhere.

-----

"Am I fat?" Gil propped himself up in bed and stared at Catherine, who was examining in her stomach in the long mirror in their bedroom.

"No, Catherine. Now can we please go to bed? I'm tired."

"It's always about you, isn't it! 'Gil this! Gil that!' Well what about Catherine?"

"What about Catherine?" She gasped and covered her ears.

"I can NOT believe what I am hearing! Nope! I can't believe it!"

"You're not fat. There. Is that what you wanted to hear?"

"Yes..."

"Good."

"But!" He groaned and fell back onto the bed. He pulled the sheets over his head and closed his eyes. "I've gained weight, Gil! I'm obese, I tell you!"

"Honey, you're not fat. You're perfect. You're beautiful, intelligent, gorgeous, adorable, funny, sensitive, caring, hilarious, and everything else that falls in between. And I love you. Now can we go to sleep... please?" She smiled and shook her head.

"Yes." She crawled into bed next to him and turned out their lights. He sighed as her back came in contact with his chest. His arms wrapped around her waist and his hands rested on her stomach. He pushed her shirt up a little and tickled her with his fingers. Just when he was going to close his eyes... "Would I look ugly if I were fat?"

-----

"Once it pops, the fun don't stop. Whooo! Partayyyyy." He cautiously walked in the break room to see Catherine dancing around a table full of Pringles cans. Some empty, some half eaten, some not even opened yet.

"Catherine?" She jumped at least ten feet in the air and swallowed a whole pringle, causing her to choke and gasp for air. She coughed it up and threw it away in the garbage can with disgust. "What are you doing?"

"Pringles are good." She shoved a handful of Sour Cream & Onion into her mouth, but growled when he ran over and took half of them out of her mouth.

"You'll choke..."

"I will not!"

"I thought you didn't want to get fat, huh!"

"I AM NOT FAT!"

"I never said you were!"

Outside in the hall, Sara and Greg walked by and stopped when they heard their boss yelling. They looked at each other and nodded. "Pregnancy hormones."

"No, Gil! You're fat!"

"Well then guess what? Our baby's going to be fat!" She gasped as he ran for her and the Pringles can. She guarded them with her arms and snapped at him.

"You will not take thy Pringles away from me."

"Do you want to die of cholesterol?"

"Ha! That's how much you know! Pringles don't have cholesterol."

"That's it! You're going on a diet!"

"So what! You're admitting I'm fat?"

"A pregnancy diet!"

"Get out of my break room! I don't want to see you until you can apologize to me and my Pringles can!"

"Well you know what? I'm not sorry..." He turned his back and went to walk to the door. He bit his lip, trying to hold in his laughter and make her think he was serious. He turned back and knocked all the Pringles cans that were on the table to the floor. She dropped the can she had in her arms and fell to the ground.

"Gilbert Grissom! You are some piece of work! You pig!"

"I'm not the one sobbing over Pringles and cupcakes!" She grunted and picked up an empty can. She aimed for his head and threw the can at him. He ran out of the room just in time as the can hit the wall and bounced off.

-----

_Ayyyyyyy_

_Now Walk It Out _

_Now Walk It Out _

_Now Walk It Out _

_Now Walk It Out_

_West Side Walk It Out South Side Walk It Out East Side Walk It Out North Side Walk It Out_

_Now Hit Da Dance Floor Now Bend Your Back Low She Do It Wit No Hands Now Stop Pop And Roll_

"Catherine? What... are you doing?" Gil froze in the doorway and watched as she stood in front of the TV and stared at the girls dancing to the song.

"I can dance like them, Gil! See?" She did a horrible imitation and proudly smiled at him. He shook his head and turned off the TV.

"Cath, take it easy. I don't want you to hurt yourself."

"Are you saying I can't dance?" She pouted and folded her arms.

"God! No! I'm saying, you're just not as young as-"

"You're calling me OLD?"

"NO! I mean..." He grunted and rubbed his forehead. "I don't know what I mean. Just don't try to dance like that again, okay?"

"You're forgetting! I danced for a living!"

"Yeah. That was how many years ago?"

------

"The pain!"

"Come on, Catherine! You can do it!"

"Shut up!"

"Almost there, Catherine!"

"If you don't shut up!"

"Whatcha gonna do?" He stuck his tongue out and backed away from her beside as she leaned sideways and tried to hit him. "Is that the best you got, Catherine?"

"AHHHH!" He ran back to the bed when she gripped the bed side and her face turned red. She slapped him behind the head before she gasped for air and glared at him. "That's for getting me pregnant!"

"But you wanted-" She slapped him again and screamed as she pushed.

"And that's for saying whatever you were about to sa-AAAYYY!" The sound of a crying baby filled the room and everyone clapped. She fell back onto the pillows and closed her eyes. He leaned forward and kissed her softly on the lips as the doctor walked over with the baby in his arms.

"Congratulations. You have a gorgeous baby girl. And it seems she's a fighter, just like her mommy, there." Gil rested his forehead on hers and looked down at their daughter.

"I love you."

"I love you too, Gil. And thank you." He kissed her head and then her lips, again.

* * *

**A/N: ROFL. My work here is done. (:**


End file.
